I Can't Help But Wonder

I can pretend...
More than pretend; I can comprehend
Carry myself just as firm, never bend
I know the beginning, the here, and the end

But I can't help but wonder...

Don't worry, I could never stray
Though doubts arise, I chose my way
My faith is strong, beyond all sway
Knowing my death comes any day

But I can't help but wonder...

By the way, I know what scriptures say
See them manifested every day
Without cease, like they say, I pray
...Just like when Grandma passed away
And when Grandpa went home that day
While at my cousin's wake we prayed
And then Mom was taken away
And all I could say was, "No way..."

See, I can't help but wonder...

This love that brings us saving grace
This same, strange love that leaves a place
For tragedy at lightning pace
To strike and give relentless chase
Expects me to save holy face
...This test to pass I might not ace

For I can't help but wonder...

I know what Job went through and all
Been told the tale since I was small
Got older, read it, taught it tall
...I hope these words do not appall

But I can't help but wonder...

I never was to understand
What happened to the inner man
Not so much when he lost his land
That, too, must've be hard to sand

But I read he lost his wife and kids
God paid him back, I know He did
More times over, I know He did
...My fear's not so easily rid

And I can't help but wonder...

How does a man who loves someone
Finds solace in replacing sons
Daughters and wives with anyone
Even the most ungodly ones

Which causes me to wonder...

For mine were not against the Son
And love sat heavy on their tongues
Like honey drops; people would run
To every word these spoke, they clung

So I can't help but wonder...

I could ask why... I'd be denied
Wonder how much I should've cried
Repent again for times I've lied
Ponder why different rules applied
Some get their miracles in stride
Some learn to praise from being tried

Me?... I can't help but wonder...